The Beginnings of Depression
by Loveyduveygirl
Summary: Marinette can't handle the stress anymore. As she falls deeper and deeper into a depression, how can anyone help her? Rated T for depression.
1. Chapter 1

Ladybug hopped onto her roof, nearly collapsing from exhaustion. There had been three akumatized victims today, each one wanting revenge on Adrien Agreste for some...stupid reason.

"Spots off." Ladybug whispered.

The Ladybug costume came off, revealing Marinette. She walked over to her bed, zombie like features reaching towards her bed. She lay down face first on her bed. After a couple of minutes, she turned to face the ceiling. She grabbed her phone and pulled out her earbuds. She played her old favorite song on repeat, trying to recall what she was feeling back then.

She wanted to play the music louder than her thoughts, but she didn't want to risk losing her hearing. Soon, the music became a background noise as her thoughts grew louder. A cloud began to form around her.

She had been so awkward around Adrien...But then again, when hadn't she been? When would she stop being so judgmental of Chloe? Why didn't she care about pleasing her parents anymore? The only thing she seemed to care about anymore was saving Paris. Her life was crumbling around her.

The one person she wanted to tell was Alya, but she couldn't do that because if she told Alya then she would be put at risk for knowing who Ladybug is.

Paris relied on her. On her. Why should it be her? Marinette cringed as she thought of how awkward she was. How absolutely awful she could be to Chloe. And...how she acted to Adrien. Why did anyone want to hang out with her?

Even when she hung out with her best friend...all they ever seemed to talk about Adrien.

Marinette closed her eyes and turned up her music.

Why did she bother with this? Why was she so focused on Adrien? He would never like her back. It had been two years since he had joined her school. Why hadn't he noticed her yet? This wouldn't ever stop.

After the torturous thoughts wouldn't stop, Marinette pulled out her earbuds. A second later, "Marinette! This is the third time I have called you. Take off your earbuds and come have some dinner!"

Marinette groaned, rolling off of her bed. She glanced in the mirror. She had some dark circles under her eyes.

"Sorry Mom! Give me just a minute more!" She pulled out her makeup kit and started covering up the circles.

"Marinette! Now!"

Marinette started to get up but realized that only one circle covered would raise even more questions. Sighing, realizing how much trouble she was probably already in, she sat back down to finish what she had started.

It had been two years since she had started being the Miraculous Ladybug. 15 now, she was getting exhausted. During the summer, it was easier to get away from everybody. She had started hiding away in her room, just in case someone was akumatized, people wouldn't be wondering where she was. Lately, though, whenever she found time, all she wanted was to lie down in her bed and listen to music.

Marinette, finally finished with her makeup, headed downstairs. Halfway down the stairs, she saw her mom and her dad quietly in conversation. Her mom was turning red. Neither of the two noticed as she quietly made her way down the rest of the stairs.

"She can't keep ignoring us Tom! We are her parents."

"I know Sabine. I know. The other day, she told me that she was headed to Alya's house. But when I called her cell phone, she hadn't answered. And when I called Alya, she didn't know where she was."

"Ignoring us and lying to us? Tom, this has to stop!"

Sabine turned from her husband and began to stand up, looking to the stairs. She jumped slightly upon seeing Marinette. After regaining her composure, Sabine sat back down, serving herself a roll from the center of the table.

"Well," Sabine started, "You obviously heard our conversation. Do you have anything to say?"

Marinette walked to the table, grabbing a roll.

"I forgot." Marinette turned away, walking to the door. "I have a school project to work on at Alya's."

Marinette heard a chair squeak back.

"I don't believe you." Sabine said. Marinette heard the click of her heels get closer to her.

Marinette, exhausted and tired of lying, swung around to face her mother.

"You're just now figuring out that something is going on? _Just now_. Are you serious Mom?"

Sabine blinked at her daughter, not used to the tone of voice.

"Let me try again and tell you _exactly_ where I will be. I will be walking around Paris and getting my thoughts together. _That's it._ I'll tell you what has been happening _later_."

Before Sabine could answer, Marinette turned back to the door and marched out of it, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

It had been a beautiful day in Paris. The sky was turning a cherry red as the sun set behind the Eiffel Tower.

Marinette paused on the street to appreciate the vivid colors, her head slightly bobbing to the music playing on her earbuds. From her position, the Eiffel Tower framed the sunset well. She pulled her phone out to try and take a picture. Once her phone clicked, Marinette realized the moment couldn't be photographed. When she opened the photo, she could tell that it wasn't the same.

Marinette sighed. She rarely ever got the chance to breathe and appreciate a sunset anymore. All day, every day, it felt as though she was just running around trying to take down HawkMoth's Akumatized villains. It was getting harder and harder to convince her parents that she wasn't doing anything suspicious. She shuddered as she thought about how easy it was getting to lie to them. Her grades were beginning to slip. Marinette glanced at her bag, thinking about her newest design...one she had designed weeks ago.

Not to mention Adrien...

Marinette sat down at a bench. She slowly pulled her phone from her pocket, taking her earbuds from her ears. Wrapping her phone in them, she sighed again. Adrien just seemed to get further and further away from her. Everything just kept getting further and further away from her as she tried became enveloped in a cloud. Every time she tried to do _anything_ HawkMoth would attack, forcing her to run and turn into Ladybug again.

As Marinette began contemplating whether or not HawkMoth could read her mind, a small voice whispered to her.

"Marinette? What's wrong?"

Marinette looked down at her bag, smiling softly.

"Hey Tikki," Marinette looked away from the adorable kwami. "I forgot you were here."

Tikki glanced around before flying to Marinette's face. "Forgot I was here? Marinettte, I'm always here."

"I know, I know." Marinette looked away. "It just...It seemed—for once—I was completely alone."

Tikki furrowed her eyebrows, not saying anything. After a few moments, Marinette opened her mouth.

"Tikki," Marinette started. "Being Ladybug is amazing. It is absolutely amazing..."

"But..." Tikki prompted.

"But." Marinette hesitated. "But how did other heroes do it? I feel like all of my time is going towards saving Paris..."

Tikki nodded. "Paris needs a hero Marinette-"

"I know Tikki!" Marinette got up and began to start pacing. "But I have other passions! Things that I actually want to do with my life! I don't want to be a superhero forever." Marinette stopped pacing and threw her hands up. "I want to design! I want to have good grades in school! I want a good relationship with my parents! I want-" She stopped herself. Should she mention Adrien? No. Adrien was too selfish of a thing to want. "I want sleep." The night before, Marinette had gone to bed right before her alarm had gone off for her to wake up and get to school.

Tikki looked as though she knew what Marinette had held back. "I know Marinette, I know. Being Ladybug takes a toll on people. But you must power through this! Paris needs you."

Marinette paused, before reaching for her ears.

"Marinette!" Shrieked Tikki, "What are you—"

Marinette had taken off the Miraculous earrings.

"I'm sorry, Tikki. I need a break."


	2. Chapter 2

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

 _Smack!_

Adrien Agreste rolled back over in bed, having hit the snooze button for the third time.

"Adrien!" Nathalie's voice could be heard behind the door. "You're going to be late for school!"

Adrien groaned, pulling the covers over his head. After appreciating his bed a moment longer, he called out. "Okay! I'm coming."

Once out of bed, he took a moment to breathe and stretch out his back.

"You doing alright Adrien?" Plagg, Adrien's black kwami, flew from under Adrien's bed. "Last night was kind of crazy. All of the akumas were going after you."

Adrien stretched his arms. "I'm doing okay. It was a little difficult being Adrien and Cat Noir for three akumas...but I handled it pretty well. I just felt bad having to refuse all of their autographs." Adrien walked over to the closet, taking his prepared outfit out and getting dressed.

"I wouldn't worry too much about them." Plagg said, flying over to his breakfast. "You were so overly apologetic to them afterwards. I practically went deaf after hearing their squeals!" Plagg popped a piece of cheese into his mouth.

Adrien glanced at the clock before pulling on his shirt. He quickly arranged his closet to where he could pull an outfit out for any day. He had started doing this to make it easier when there was an akuma attack in the middle of the night and he was too tired the next day.

As he grabbed his bag a huge yawn escaped from him.

"Why don't you skip school today?" Plagg said as he lounged on the empty plate. "We could relax here and have a grand time just relaxing after those crazy akuma attacks."

Adrien rolled his eyes. "We can't do that! We have to be the heroes for Paris."

Plagg rolled over on the plate. "But this happens every day! We're never going to beat HawkMoth at this rate! Can't we take a day off?"

Adrien walked over to the plate and got down on the kwami's eye level. "There is no rest for us Plagg. We can do this! We'll got Hawkmoth one day. And then you and I can relax as much as we want."

Plagg groaned as he finally flew up. Adrien had a twinkle in his eye.

"Of course, if we stop saving Paris, I won't give you any more cheese."

Plagg's screamed were muffled as he entered Adrien's bag.

* * *

When Adrien's car pulled to the curb, he bolted from it, practically skipping the steps as he raced to class. As he opened the door to his classroom, the tardy bell rang.

"Cutting it close today, Mr. Agreste?" The teacher asked him, teasing. Adrien, sheepish, rubbed the back of his head and made the way to his seat.

Nino high fived him when he sat down. "Dude you made it on time!"

Adrien smiled at him. Whenever Adrien thinks that he might be late for class, he texts Nino, who often comes up with an excuse for him.

"You're a real pal Nino. I appreciate your help."

Adrien smiled at him and then turned his attention to the teacher.

"Alya," The teacher spoke. "Have you seen Marinette?"

Alya shook her head, looking concerned. "No ma'am. She normally texts me if she isn't going to be here." Adrien watched as she pulled out her phone. "She must still be sleeping or something."

"Hmm.. Well we can't be waiting for her any longer. We have some poetry to read."

* * *

Eventually, Marinette got up. Her growling stomach demanded sustenance. She headed downstairs and poured a bowl of cereal for herself. She took her time, savoring each bite. She felt the texture of the cereal and focused on swallowing. It was like she was hyper aware of her surroundings.

Once she finished her cereal, she headed back upstairs to her room, fully determined to head back to bed. On her way there, she noticed that she had a new message on her phone. She stopped halfway between her phone and her bed, debating. Eventually the curiosity got to her and she grabbed her phone.

 _1 new message: Alya_

 _Hey Marinette! Where r u? U ok? I'm saving assign. for you. Lmk what's up!_

Marinette smiled slightly. The cloud was still around her but there was sunshine coming through her phone. She quickly sent a text to Alya and started to get dressed.

* * *

In the middle of their next class, Adrien jumped at Alya's snort. He must have dozed off... Their teacher Ms. Mendeleiev turned abuptly from the chalkboard.

"Is there something funny about Chemistry Ms. Césaire?"

"No ma'am!" Adrien watched as she slowly put away her phone behind her desk. "I thought of a joke that a friend of mine told me the other day."

"Well, if it's so funny to be laughing in the middle of my class...Would you care to share with the whole class?"

"Uh, it's a meme reference. You probably wouldn't understand it."

Ms. Mendeleiev crossed her arms. Alya slowly got up and moved to the front of the class. Adrien and Nino shared a glance. Nino turned to wink at Alya, who looked visibly relieved.

"What do you call fake spaghetti?" Alya paused for a moment before answering herself. "An impasta!"

Adrien and Nino both started laughing really hard. It wasn't long before most of the rest of the class started laughing.

Ms. Mendeleiev looked genuinely confused. "Ha...yes very funny. You may have a seat Ms. Césaire."

Alya winked back at Adrien and Nino as she headed to her desk.

Nino quickly whispered to Adrien. "That's the first time that she's laughed all day. I think that Marinette texted her. I had been wondering if she was okay."

Adrien smiled. He had been wondering that too.


	3. Chapter 3

Marinette smiled at her phone again, proud of what she had sent Alya.

 _O.M.G! I totally slept in! I just woke up a couple minutes ago. I'll see you at lunch?_

It was silly. And it wasn't lying. Alya would think it was so funny that she slept in so late. She'd probably be surprised she hadn't wanted to go to school. Normally, Marinette would jump at the opportunity to see Adrien.

Adrien...

Marinette's phone buzzed. Alya had responded. She was going to be eating lunch at their favorite diner. Marinette glanced at the mirror and frowned at her reflection. She decided a bit more makeup would do to cover the bags under her eyes.

 _But then, what was the point?_

Marinette shook her head, reminding herself that she was trying to cover up that she was Ladybug.

Marinette down and then glanced at her bag. She had hid her Miraculous in there. As soon as she had taken off her Miraculous she had wanted to put it right back on. She had silenced Tikki. The longer she took to put the Miraculous back on, the more guilty she would feel when she eventually had to confront Tikki.

She could just hear Tikki trying to be encouraging. She couldn't handle that. She couldn't handle anyone right now.

Marinette debated about calling Alya and cancelling. She shook her head at the thought. If she couldn't talk to Alya then who could she talk to?

She finished putting on her makeup, grabbed her bag and headed downstairs. As she exited the apartment, she listened very carefully. She still hadn't discussed anything with her parents since her outburst the night before and she planned to keep it that way. She could hear her mom in the other room talking to a customer... And it sounded like her dad just dropped something in the bakery. If she timed it right...

With Ladybug-like grace, she slid down the banister of the staircase and exited out the door. She quickly ran to the other side of the street, getting out of view of the bakery.

Marinette paused to catch her breath when she was almost to the diner.

Why couldn't she tell Alya about being Ladybug? Now that she had put away the Miraculous, she _wasn't_ Ladybug.

Marinette closed her eyes, stopping in view of the diner. She couldn't betray Ladybug like that. Heck, she couldn't betray _Tikki_ like that. She took a deep breath. Then another. When she opened her eyes, she was determined. She wouldn't show that anything was wrong.

* * *

Adrien and Nino couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of that morning.

"I can't believe you-you of all people!-snorted at a text message in the middle of class!"

Alya was laughing too. "It just caught me off guard!" She wiped a tear from her eye. "I was genuinely worried for Marinette...and it turns out she just slept in." Alya looked at something from behind Adrien. "Speak of the devil..." Alya stood up and waved. Adrien turned around and saw Marinette. She had a huge contagious smile on her face.

"Hey Marinette!" Adrien grinned at her.

"Surprise!" Alya smiled at Marinette. " _Adrien_ and Nino are joining us for lunch."

Marinette's smile flickered for a second. "Oh! I thought it was just going to be me and you meeting for lunch."

Adrien couldn't tell if she sounded disappointed or not.

Alya shook her head. "Nope!" Alya forcefully put her hands on Marinette's arms and moved her into the booth next to herself. "Me and Nino were talking the other day..." Alya gestured to Nino, who was across from her. "And we realized that we don't really hang out enough as a group. We, that is, Nino and I, thought that since we are a couple, we should get our two best friends to hang out some more. That way, you two can get used to seeing us as a couple!"

Adrien blinked. He hadn't realized that that was the point of them hanging out. He had thought that it was just going to be the four of them hanging out. He grinned as he thought about it. That sneaky Alya! Who knew there was an ulterior motive?

Normally at this time, Marinette would act flabbergasted and start babbling about something. But today, she calmly grabbed her menu and debated about what she wanted to eat.

Adrien glanced at Alya, wondering why Marinette wasn't acting like normal, but she was already immersed in a conversation with Nino.

"'Endless fries?' How many fries can that be?"

"I'm assuming they mean you get fries...endlessly." Alya raised her eyebrow at Nino.

"No duh Alya."

"I'm gonna order them."

"What do you mean? You can't even finish the regular sized portions!"

"Bet." Alya grinned at Nino. "Whoever eats less fries has to pay for the other's lunch."

"Deal." They shook hands across the table.

Adrien laughed. "Marinette, can you believe these two?"

Marinette's head was still behind the menu.

"Marinette?"

"Hey, what's with you?" Alya asked, finally noticing something was wrong. "You always order the same thing here."

"I-I know Alya." Adrien could see that her head had turned to Alya but couldn't see her expression. Alya however suddenly had her eyes wide.

Abruptly, Marinette's menu fell and Marinette had risen to her feet. "Alya go ahead and order for me. I'll be right back."

Marinette raced to the ladies' room. Adrien tried to see her expression but she had gone too quickly.

Nino asked, "Is everything okay with Marinette?"

Alya's response was covered by the waiter arriving to take their orders.

* * *

Marinette splashed water on her face and left her hands covering her eyes. How was she supposed to recover from that? She had hidden her face from Adrien but Alya was the one who knew her better.

She decided to text Alya.

 _Hey Alya! Sorry about the momentary ditch. I just really wasn't expecting Adrien to be here. I'm used to bracing myself before I see him. I'll be out in a second!_

Not a lie. She would have been fine if Nino and Adrien hadn't been here.

 _What kind of a friend would surprise you with your greatest fear?_

Marinette smacked her head. That wasn't Alya's intent and she knew it.

Now that she knew who was going to be there, she would be fine.

It was odd, though. The normal butterflies in her stomach weren't there. She had been overwhelmed whenever there were three times the amount of people she expected, but there weren't any butterflies. She hadn't even been nervous.

Marinette glanced at the door. Well, now she was nervous. What would Alya say if she saw her best friend with circles under her eyes?

She reached for her makeup bag in her purse, bumping into the Miraculous case on her way there. As she applied her makeup, she wondered what she would do if there was an akuma attack. She quickly covered the dark circles—her mask in a sense—and walked out of the bathroom, smile plastered onto her face.

* * *

Adrien watched as Marinette walked out of the bathroom but quickly looked away when he saw her looking at him. What would he be known for if he saw ladies exiting the washroom?

"It's weird," Alya started, "There hasn't been an akuma attack today."

Adrien responded. "My guess is that after a triple attack yesterday, HawkMoth isn't going to be attacking anytime soon."

Marinette quietly slipped into her seat, smile as big as before. Nino began to talk with Alya about their favorite akumatized villains. Adrien didn't look away from Marinette.

"Hey," He whispered. Then stopped. Alya and Nino were already deep in conversation. "Are you alright?" He mouthed to her.

Marinette smiled at him and then nodded. The waiter came back with their food. Marinette turned her head as the waiter put two huge plates of fries in front of Nino and Alya.

"Whoa! Eat healthy much?"

Alya rolled her eyes at her. "We have a competition going on."

"Yeah," Nino crammed a ton of fries into his mouth. "And you're loothing."

" _Losing_ sweetheart." Alya smirked at Nino. "I'm going to win this with dignity." And with that, she began stuffing her own mouth with fries.

Adrien and Marinette laughed at the two's silliness.

"I hope you two are keeping count." Adrien teased as he stole a fry from Nino's plate.

Nino swallowed. "Hey!"

"Relax Nino. They're endless fries."

"Still!" Nino pulled his plate closer to himself. "Eat your own food."

Marinette glanced at Alya's plate. "Didn't you guys order anything else?"

Alya shook her head in between bites. "Gotta save room."

"Don't eat too quickly you guys," warned Adrien, "It's a 'See who can eat the most fries' contest. Not who can eat the most fries in a time limit."

Nino had just taken a huge bite of a bunch of fries. He chewed and held up his index finger. When he finally swallowed, he responded. "You're right! Alya, you should slow down."

Alya glared at him as she took another fry.

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Adrien, you know how you are super hungry at the beginning of the meal? Then you eat a ton of stuff, then you aren't hungry. But you keep eating? Then, you are stuffed. They're trying to eat as many as they can before the 'stuffed' part comes in."

Adrien glanced at the emptying plates and called to the waiter. "We're going to need more fries for the endless fry. Can you go ahead and bring four more plates?"

Marinette smirked at him. Then, as though realizing what she was doing she looked down at her own food. Adrien picked up his burger and began to eat it. After a couple of bites, he realized that Marinette was staring at him.

"What?"

"What is on your burger?"

"What...The egg?"

Marinette nodded, looking genuinely concerned.

"It's good."

"That's so...strange!"

"Hey hey!" Adrien said, "Don't be hating on what you haven't tried. Here." He grabbed his cutlery and cut her off a piece.

"What-? No! That's so gross! The egg exploded all over the rest of the burger."

"Nu uh! I told you; You can't hate what you haven't tried. If you try it, _then_ you can tell me how gross it is."

Marinette rolled her eyes as Adrien put it onto her plate. She grabbed her own fork and poked at the burger with it.

"Okay okay." Adrien said, "This is how you eat it." He, mockingly, took a bite of his own burger. He made an overly joyous face after eating it. "Mmm mmm mmm! Now that's a good burger." He smirked at her.

Surprisingly, she smirked back. "I didn't know you like Easter so much."

Adrien wasn't expecting that. "What do you mean?"

"You have an Easter shirt on. It's October!"

Adrien looked down and saw that his burger had betrayed him by getting egg on his white over shirt.

"Oh, come on!" He quickly reached across Nino and his fries to grab some napkins and quickly dabbed at his shirt.

"There's some risk in eating your burger huh?" Adrien glanced at Marinette who had a twinkle in her eye.

"If you all will excuse me, I have to go get my shirt cleaned up real quick." Adrien quickly left the table and headed for the men's room. His plans to clean his shirt however were foiled.

"Ah ha ha ha!"

A booming laughter raised over the sound of flushing toilets.

"Ant man is here! And I am determined to get the Miraculouses."

Adrien looked up to see a man with six legs, an antenna on his head and a mask scurrying over the stall and out into the world.

At first, Adrien could only blink in shock. Of all the places...

He heard a crash outside and then some screams.

"Ooh." Adrien cringed as Plagg flew out. "Hope Ladybug can fix that."

He quickly glanced under the other stalls before saying "Plagg! Claws out!"


	4. AUTHOR UPDATE

Hey guys... long time no see :)

I will be adding a new chapter to this story very soon and redoing some of the old chapters.

I want to do this story right. I want to be able to use my small world to draw attention to a real issue.. And I want it to be perfect. I can see how Marinette could struggle and how her friends would want to help her.

I started the story in a time of my life when I felt as though I needed an outlet. A way of figuring out my own issues. But now.. I want to be able to help others through this story, while also providing a realistic story about the characters.

Thanks for your patience guys :-)


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